CONFESSIONS OF A MEDIA BRAT

Some people talk about being an Army Brat;a child of a career soldier esp one who has lived in various places as a result of military transfer ,but i on the other hand, am a Media Brat.

In my twenty some art years i consumed a dosage of NTA, VHS recordings of Fun Factory ,The Discovery,History and National Geographic channels, Channel O,TNT(before becoming TCM),Cartoon Network. Insomnia ridden nights were occupied by reading the Britannica. I started reading Sidney Sheldon and Jefferey Archer novels at as young as 14, a long way off from my Roahld Dahl,Judy Blume and Enid Blyton days. If this was an interstellar journey, you can call me Jean Luc Picard.

In recent times I find that in the excitement of conversation the other party gets lost in translation as I unleash a constant barrage of pop culture references. If they ask me “what are you doing tomorrow night” and I reply in a devious tone “same thing I do every night ……” when something works out I say “I love it when a plan comes together” . If on a journey and i am asked the correct road, a smug reply of “Roads! Where we’re going , we don’t need ,roads”.

When a friend is being elusive, I talk about going Woodward &Bernstein on them. If they flaunt their skills of deductive skills I may give a “Well done Sherlock” or “Way to go Nancy Drew” naturally, dependent on plumbing. A reference to a good friend may land a “Kimosabi”,and bewilderment can conjure a “whatcha talking bout Willis”. When a female storms out incited by an action or statement of mine a grinning “she wants me” in the best Elvis voice one could muster(not that it happens).

Naturally, the very best is , in the prediction of conflict produces “going to the mattresses”, and negotiation brings on “make him an offer he can’t refuse” A person that manages to display real genius is Dexter or better yet Einstein.

When confounded I want to exclaim, ” Great Scots” or "Billions of Blistering barnacles”, but that one rarely, if ever ,comes out. Houdini, for those that manage to untangle themselves from the most awkward of situations or you might remind a mouthy individual about the curious case Jimmy Hoffa, don’t know who he is ! EXACTLY.

If you are lost right now,and you have no idea what I am on about,you are probably an alien to the immersion and invasion of dialog, by the almighty frequency that is, pop culture . Either that or pop culture is a third language that you grasp little snippets of before having to sift through the onslaught and halt the slugger for a slower pitch. As a child of the 80′s that ‘teened’ in the 90′s, where sitcoms crafted the shuffling contradiction of cognitive dissonance known as my mind, it was a GREAT time to be young, being raised by the neighbors on Sesame Street, playing with the odd kids that lived at Fraggle Rock, as Mr Rogers tried to tell you a story, childhood was blissful.

Certain times, in the middle of nowhere, I can crack up or chuckle at a random nostalgic memory that spins by like a game of Russian roulette . It could be a scene from Fred Quimby's Tom&Jerry which I had a preference to, over the less aesthetic Chuck Jones animation . Or I switch into the voice of Peter Lorre’s bug eyed scientist, whose inquiry's are followed by disturbing maniacal laugh I find amusing.

A popular one I have used in recent times is “i’m coming down with Bamboo Fever”,a little throwback remix to the early work of Spike Lee, i had to proceed to explain the part of the world where Bamboo comes from and it’s replacement of the original word.

An overtly curious female might be April O Neil, or the more popular Lois Lane(the old movies). Two good friends(guys) Tango &Cash or Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid(Billy). Aldrich Ames who is considered the Judas Iscariot of American Intelligence , can be the dude that runs his mouth on his boys, just to get the ladies in a frenzy, might end up like Tessio, and no “for old times sake” would get him out of that one.

I may sign off a conversation with “here’s looking at you kid” ,comment on an exciting new acquaintance by “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” or fantasize about dramatically storming off, exiting with the classic “frankly my dear I don’t give a damn”.

A random, “have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?” might freak out the receiver, which precisely illustrates “what we have here,is failure, to communicate”. In recent times,it has been as welcome, as suggesting “Mien Kampf” as a Barmitzpha gift that coincides with Yom Kippur.

Just like the time I was chatting online with a female friend and went , “What’s new pussy cat?” I could almost feel the “shoryuken” come through the IM, before explaining it being the title of a classic song,which i used as an inquiry of her state of well being . Luckily it was not the case of a Bunny Boiler.

As a media brat, you notice the allusions paid to your favorite cinematic pieces . Like the TV series Prison Break, and it’s numerous allusions to The Shawshank Redemption, or noticing how similar JJ Abrahams’ Alias, is ,to earlier 90′s series ,La Femme Nikita, with Peta Wilson. The recent movie Wolverine, for a regular person, it’s awesome. However, for comic fans, and what was done to the characters ,it felt like dropping the soap at..well Shawshank. Regarding the Tarantino flick, Inglorious Basterds is a throwback to the classic men on a mission days of Dirty Dozen/Where Eagles Dare, two great films.

Being a media brat has it’s odd points, like being the only one to get an inside joke or retort heard on a tv show or movie, that no one else in the room gets, and as you roar in laughter, your friends give you the silent “i hope you are ok ” stare. Or making a reference regarding a particular situation, as i did recently on, “pulling a Ferris Bueller”, and almost getting one of those, blinking clueless stares you see and hear so dramatically in cartoons.

The most basic one , which the vast majority are familiar with, is the CSI mode to something fishy with the term “something is rotten in the state of Denmark”, if they are still puzzled, That is an indicator for plain reference and allusion free english being the modus operandi.

So, now in thought process,I shift gears into Defcon 1, when not speaking to a

Book worm+film geek+babysat by telly =Media Brat ,

I have to scream “book em danno” at the mental SWAT, who make a pre emptive strike,so i don’t deliver a pre mature “Fatality” to conversations, through thoughts that try to pull a Houdini.

So whether it’s breaking down in the courtyard after submitting final thesis screaming FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMM . Screaming “Are you not entertained” to the seething mob after defeating the school bully. Hissing back “you can’t handle the truth” at those odd questions women like to ask, but really don’t want (or like) the real answer eg Is that woman prettier than me? Do i look fat in this?

I am and for the foreseeable future , will be, a media brat, Analyze That.